The Many Deaths of Rodney McKay
by nightpheonix
Summary: A poem detailing Rodney's neardeath experiences. REALLY RANDOM, but kinda fun.


A/N: This poem goes on the assumption that TPTB (the powers that be) have it in for dear Rodney. I'm not exactly a big poetry fan (the most complicated poems I write are limericks) but this thing just _begged_ to be written and _voila_! This covers every episode in season 1 except "Poisoning the Well," "Letters from Pegasus," and "The Gift." So now, enjoy…

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**The Many Deaths of Rodney McKay**

"Rising's" the one that started it all,

The TPTB trying to make McKay fall.

After saying goodbye to Earth and his kitty,

They tried to trap him in a flooding city.

But that Ancient technology spoiled their plot,

When the failsafe engaged and it rose to the top.

After he nearly got shot by a Dart through the gate,

We go to "Hide and Seek," where he almost met his fate.

With the shield device on, McKay couldn't eat.

He passed out and fell right off his feet.

Later, he risked his life going to

The gate to make sure the shadow went through.

The week after that, the jumper got stuck,

He and AT-1 almost ran out of luck.

Asphyxia and exposed to the vacuum of space,

Aren't good ways to go, anytime, anyplace.

Fortunately, he retracted the pods,

Blew the rear hatch and beat all the odds.

Things got pretty painful during "Suspicion,"

When Rodney was shot returning from a mission.

Good thing Wraith weapons only stun,

Or Sheppard's team would be smaller by one.

M7G-677 wasn't so bad,

Except he almost got bow'n'arrow'd by a very small lad.

From there they go to meet the Genii,

Where he makes a list of deaths that reached sky high.

Held hostage in the underground bunker

By guards whose guns were real clunkers.

Not to mention all the radioactivity.

Now he can never hope for longevity!

The next episode they thought they could go back.

But is it ever that easy? Oh, don't make me laugh.

He almost starved to death while asleep on the ground

With that all that funky mist swirling around.

"The Storm" and "The Eye" really got messy.

They made everyone extra stress-y.

As if a killer hurricane wasn't enough,

Kolya showed up and treated him rough.

Stabbed in the arm and tortured to beat,

It looked like Atlantis was facing defeat.

But alas! "To Be Continued:" aww, man!

To find out what happened, fans waited 'til Jan.!

Acting brave, he stepped in front of a gun.

(Boy those McWeir shippers sure had fun)

Next he was forced out in the rain.

Hypothermia sure is a pain.

Nearly chucked from a high balcony,

And almost brought back with the Genii 'til Sheppard set him free.

He put the shield up with the lightning converted,

Yet another painful death averted.

When drowning and hypothermia didn't leave him dead,

The TPTB gave him heat stroke instead.

But McKay survived dehydration,

And even overcame consternation

To save the day! He watched Sheppard's back,

But in the process almost became a Wraith snack.

Even though we saw him act brave,

Nothing could save him from a plague!

Lucky he had the gene therapy,

Or else he'd be no more than a casualty.

The Wraith Darts almost took him out in "Sanctuary,"

But that's all that happened in that ep. Boring? Very!

In "Before I sleep" the TPTB achieved victory!

They drowned him—in an alternate reality.

But even though they succeeded at last,

Rodney died saving everyone else's ass.

"Brotherhood's" where it starts to get tough.

Compared to now, everything else is fluff.

He's held hostage by Kolya yet again

While the others are trapped in a secret den.

They outsmarted the bastard and saved the day,

But they discovered (gasp) HIVE SHIPS ON THE WAY!

After panicking and freaking out for more than a week,

A plan was created by our favorite geek.

He was almost killed by the satellite explodin'

However, that was left for poor Grodin.

Now Atlantis was a sitting duck.

So they were about to hit "Self Destruct."

When suddenly the gate began to light:

The SGC had sent troops to fight.

Now McKay, knowing his luck,

Would get eaten by Wraith—man, that would suck!

But he encountered no threat, so he worked some more,

Not knowing what the TPTB had in store.

Well, his plan didn't work, the generator was dead.

So Sheppard flew the jumper-with-a-nuke himself instead.

If that didn't work, they'd all be screwed.

He sighed and thought, _so what else is new?_

But before we could find out if Rodney would die,

The goddamned Sci-Fi Channel made us wait 'til JULY!


End file.
